The Deactivist

Well meaning, but unthinking irrational activism has created great evil in the world. Let's de-activate the activists. "Question Authority, but also question those who question authority" - The Deactivist

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

I know it like the back of my hand

"I know it like the back of my hand ...wait ... the heck is this!? Oh my God!"

Yes, that was me 14 years ago when I discovered what was on the back of my hand. Since then I have spent all my spare time researching what is on the back of my hand. So far I have been able to discern a virtual encyclopedia of history and esoteric knowledge in the form of symbols and text written in ancient languages of Greek, Aramaic, and Sumerian Cuneiform. I have discovered the knowledge of the ancients and have traced the history of mankind to at least 60,000 B.C.

Currently I am working on retrieving several lost plays written by the ancient Greeks. One tragedy has almost an identical storyline to Hamlet - hmmm... Mr. Shakespeare - maybe you weren't so smart after all!

I have formed an institute to discover what treasures exist on the backs of other peoples hands. I have written over 30 papers and I am lecturing in over 30 countries on seven continents on what I have found so far on the back of my left hand. I have not gotten to my right hand which I am looking at for the first time right now ... wait ... OH MY GHODDD!!!!

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Campaign to honor President Clinton with a new $69 Bill

In order to honor the 42nd president of the United States, I propose a new currency denomination be created - the 69 dollar bill. It would have a portrait of Clinton wearing a sloppy smile on the front. Flip the bill upside down and there would be a picture of the interior Oval Office - with Monica Lewinsky sprawled sideways across the Presidential desk wearing her famous dress and a holding cigar in one hand.

This Bill, like other denominations would have some security features. Hold the bill up to the light and you will see a hidden portrait of First Lady, Senator and future President Hilary Clinton just to the right of her husband. Her image would be 25% larger than Clinton's portrait to signify where the true power lay. Her portrait would display a disapproving scowl on her face pointed at her husband.

A revised new national motto 'E Unum Pluribus' - (from the one the many) would signify the new focus on diversity rather than unity that was part of the legacy of his administration. Also, 'In God we Trust' would be replaced with the boomer motto, 'If it feels good, do it'.

Unlike all previous U.S. currency this bill will be printed by a new US mint located in Red China.

If this is campaign is successful we will launch a further campaign to have President Clinton honored by a new monument in the Washington D.C. area - a crooked leaning obelisk in the middle of the white waters of the Potomac River.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

New Super Mega Walmart Opens

A new Walmart has opened in our area. It measures 15 miles by 10 miles. So large, the architects had to correct for the curvature of the earth. I especially like the housing section. The have eight new housing developments within the confines of the store. They range from small condos to 3600 square foot 5br/3b homes. The prices are 25% cheaper than homes outside the store. You save on heating and cooling as the the temperature is constant - you are within the climate control of the store. No need for a garage as you have no need to travel anywhere. All of the new home owners are employees of Walmart - as will be the entire population of planet Earth by the year 2012.

There are already plans to exand the store to cover the entire Phoenix valley and then Arizona/New Mexico. A dome is being constructed over the Grand Canyon to be a new expanded Sporting Goods and Outdoors section. The Nevada desert will be used as the new parking lot. Too bad the only restaraunt housed in the store is McDonalds - I can only take so many Chicken Selects.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Mr. Inspiration

I don't like to waste precious mental energy on a political has-been like John Kerry, but I must comment on his 'should not be overhyped' comment in reference to the recent Iraqi election. Imagine this man was almost our President. Imagine saying the same about other historical events such as the Berlin wall coming down, VE and VJ day, Battle of Yorktown, freeing of Nelson Mandela, Appomatox, the Magna Cartre, etc.. - you get the picture. This may well be a major turning point in Middle East history, where they (the Arab/Muslim world) begin to join the modern world and reform the lesser aspects of their culture. Sure, this process may takes years or decades, but it is a bright ray of sunshine in a dark corner of the Earth. Thank god he did not have the opportunity to ruin this event - as he played a part in the ruin of freedom in South Vietnam 30 years earlier.